Its Your Secret, You don’t have to tell it

By RoseAllure Louis
In Basic Senses
Feb 26th, 2013

As in and close love as you may be with your present partner, I think it is safe to say there is something your partner will not find out about you. While I really believe that most couples must have little to no secrets between them, revealing a lot of or digging up the past that has no impact on who you might be today may be insignificant, and cause unnecessary play in your relationship. All couples are very different, and if you feel your union is so strong that it can sustain anything that you divulge about your self, then great! But if you do not feel obligated to reveal every thing there is to know about your life, here are a few things we feel you might be able to keep near to the vest…with a few caveats needless to say.

Your Secret

9. Your Toy Collection


Unless you are a sex addict, there is not any reason your man should be aware of about your secret stash of adult videos or sex toys if he was not wanted by you to. The others may perhaps not be as open minded and might find those ideas offensive as well as intimidating, although some men would welcome the use of such props to your sex lives together. Then just make sure you have a good hiding spot in the crib for when he comes over and keep working on convincing him that your toys are no substitution for the genuine article, if you two live separately. But if he is still in opposition to them, then you may either need to dump him for a more adventuresome, more safe partner…or keep them under lock and key and bust them out when he goes out of town for the weekend.


8. Any Information About Your Ex

Unless your ex is your child’s parent, is stalking you or you have a restraining order against him, your current partner has no reason to understand such a thing about any of your exes. If your ex is still trying to get straight back together with you, you may decide that is information is on a “need-to-know” foundation, because you may believe you can handle your ex on your own. But if the ex is posting inappropriate comments on your own Facebook page, is disrespecting your relationship or trying to sabotage it, then and only then when your ex’s name come up to your present partner in order that he or she is in the loop as to what exactly is going on. Otherwise, leave your ex and that relationship in days gone by and keep his name out of your mouth. By always bringing up your ex, that’ll only make your present boo wonder if you are over him, and could perhaps make him jealous or feel insecure — neither of which is a great thing. In the event that you value your present relationship, keep your exes and all details about them in days gone by where it belongs.


7. Debt

If you are perhaps not a bank account and married or share expenses, then there is no reason the man you are dating has to know about your student loans or credit card debt. However, if he has a five year plan that includes you both paying for a wedding, purchasing a home and starting a college fund for Junior, you are likely to need to come clean about your spending habits. Before it has a genuine chance to ensure success lying about or hiding finances can make or break a marriage. With that in mind, if you might be married or planning to have married, then lay your finances on the table and consult a financial planner if needed. This way, you can create a budget that will help you move out of debt while reaching your financial goals as a couple. But if you two are just kicking it, keep your finances independent as well as the mouth area closed — but still get financial help if you want it.


6. Prior Criminal Behavior Unless you are a registered sex offender or have committed homicide or armed robbery, you can probably keep the public indecency charge you found in college to your self.


Now if you did a bid and have a record, then you probably can not conceal that for very long anyhow. But if you were busted for shoplifting as a teen and the charge has since been eradicated and your records sealed, then you can keep your lips sealed on that one as well. If you are no more criminally minded and also have been an upstanding citizen who abides by the law, then do not give him or her a reason to give you the medial side eye…or sleep with one eye open.


5. Previous STD

I would normally never advise anyone to help keep their sexual history a secret, especially since that is information a potential partner needs to have in order to make an informed decision about having sex with you. However, if you contracted a disease 10 years ago before your current partner was met by you and it has since been treated and cured, and you have not had one since, then you may be able to move past that experience and not share. Sexual history is a delicate topic that many individuals have a difficult time addressing. But if you have had a few STD’s or currently have a condition that you can pass onto your partner, he or she should be told about any of it… BEFORE you have sex. Condom or not.


4. An Abortion

If you had as a result of becoming pregnant in a past relationship an abortion, there was no reason you should feel the need to share with anyone that – – especially if it is an experience you had rather not relive. You should not conceal a pregnancy or an abortion from the current boyfriend but that may also be looked at your prerogative. Now if you can not conceive or carry a child to term as a result of past abortion, and your present partner desires to have kids, then you might need to come clean. Otherwise, this is a decision you made on your own that requires no explanation to anyone.


3. Affairs in the past

but I really do not necessarily think that once a cheater, always a cheater. If you have learned from the error of your ways and have vowed that you will never cheat (or function as the mistress or side girl) in relationships ever again, then you can probably keep that bit of information to your self. You may feel compelled to be fair since you do not consider your self to be always a cheater anymore, if he asks you if you have ever cheated on a boyfriend – – and that is honorable. But telling him that you cheated on an ex or were involved with a married man may only induce him to question his relationship with you and wonder if you’ll do the exact same thing to him. Then keep it to your self, if there is no chance that he will find out about your past infidelities and you think divulging this information would undermine your present relationship and continue to be a faithful girlfriend. If he asks and you choose to tell the truth and he leaves, then he was not the one for you and you must be with a man that understands that people make errors and can learn from their website.


2. Why people ask this question, How many Sex Partners? I actually do not know O.o?

Regardless of how many guys you tell him you have slept with, the number will mostly likely always be too high for him. It is certainly a no-win situation. He should be with you for who you are,  how many men you have slept with should make no difference to him…unless he only thinks you are a slore, in which case he is already drawn his conclusions anyway. Your best bet would be to just perhaps not answer the question, even though that may cause him to be suspicious and make unwarranted judgments of you. If he demands you to answer, you can either make up a number that you feel is realistic and qualify it by saying, “But they certainly were all long-term boyfriends” or you can say, “No one matters that came before you babe” and hope that answer will suffice. If not, then it is time to bounce him because he could be only too insecure.


1. Your Best Sex

If your best sex was not along with your present partner, there is no need to inform him that. You have to understand that, right? If he asks you if he was, simply say, “Awww babe, you know I really like you” and hopefully which will distract him. If he does not fall for this, I see no reason why telling just a little fib will hurt. Guys have fragile egos, so stroke it. Nothing good will come from telling him that he was not your very best even though some men might use that bit of advice as incentive to improve, the others may be secretly annoyed that you did not lie to save his feelings. I look at it like this: your ex can be an ex for a reason no matter how great the sex was. You love your new beau in order that should make your very best to him, right? right? Ok, possibly perhaps not, but do you know what I mean. Just go with it.